Twilight - Just another lousy teen movie?

For all Twilight fans. Or not.

Whether you like Twilight or not, if you've both read the books and seen the movie then you are welcome go through my list of what I thought were the shortcomings of the movie.

Do not be confused between mistakes and shortcomings. For technical mistakes and goof-ups, visit sites like IMDB where you can get a more than satisfactory list of them. My only purpose here is to highlight what, IN MY OPINION, the movie lacked .. and WHY I think it sucked.


1.
Robert Pattinson = Hot.
Edward Cullen = HOT.
Robert + Edward = An ugly too-fair freakazoid.

2.
When Bella's made to say "Purple's cool" what are those guys playing at? Instead of adding silly, random, UNNECESSARY lines like that, they could give more time to the important scenes.

3.
Wasn't everybody supposed to know about Bella's arrival and be excited about it? And wasn't every single person in the school supposed to know that Bella was supposed to arrive? Then why is it, that when she first parked her truck, NOBODY noticed her or even talked among each other about her..?

4.
When Tyler says "Nice Ride" he IS trying to be nice, right? Cuz everybody is supposed to be in love with Bella on the first day. Well, if he WAS trying to be nice .. then why did the girl next to him say 'good one' and then laugh?

5.
So who knew Eric would turn out to be 'chinky looking' ? And, fine .. he WAS supposed to be chep .. but nobody said anything about him acting gay.

"La Push, baby; La Push." ..
"Chillax" ...
"I got your back, baby" ..

WTF?

6.
Mike Newton: "What's up Arizone, huh? How you liking the rain *girl*? Better get used to it, *girl*".
WHAT is with his whole 'GIRL' thing? Are they trying to portray him as retarded?!

7.
Isn't Angela supposed to be nice and sensible? She seemed as giggly and A-crowd as Jessica. "Maybe he'll adopt me" .. WHAT?

8.
THEY didn't put the 'part-albino joke'. That was ONE worthwhile joke in the book, but NO they HAD to skip it. Its like what they did in HP and the Order of the Phoenix. They took out the 'accio brain' part :(.

9.
Jacob has teeth more like a vampire than Edward. LOLeshwar?

10.
Nikki Reed just wasn't a good enough choice for Rosalie. Whatever happened to the "most beautiful girl ever" thing? Reed looks good otherwise, but as Rose, she looks stupid, fat and VERY ugly.

11.
Edward doesn't need to breathe right? Then in the bio class scene when Bella walks in, WHY does he hold his nose and pretend like its so hard to breathe? If Pattinson was a good enough actor, the fact that her smell almost caused him to kill her could be portrayed merely be facial expressions. His hand covering his nose part wouldn't have been required. Also, he just looked ugly because he did that.

12.
When Edward introduces himself, WHY is he asking a question?
"Hello? I didn't get a chance to introduce myself? I'm Edward Cullen?"

13.
THE GOLDEN ONION? I can't even comment on this.

14.
"You're asking me about the weather?" is what Bella says as if she can't believe her eyes and ears. OMG, how the hell can somebody ask me about the weather?

She doesn't even know yet that Edward's not human. So what's so strange about a normal human being asking you about the weather?

15.
"Its the fluorescence"
Way to go, Edward. Amazing comeback.

16.
During the Jeep incident, wasn't Bella supposed to get even a little hurt? I mean, in the book she wasn't completely unscathed. Then wtf happened?

17.
Carlisle was supposed to be like REALLY good looking, right? Weren't all the nurses supposed to have a hard time concentrating on their job with him around? Peter Facinelli isn't really that good looking, I'm sorry.

18.
"You can google it"
Uh oh. Another modern teenager movie? Really nice.

19.
How can his mood swings give HER a whiplash? Does she even know what whiplash is?

20.
Whatever happened to Bella being unwilling to share her theories about radioactive spiders, and Edward having to convince her? And doesn't EDWARD mention Kryptonite as a joke? WHY did they change the dialogs when the originals would have taken the same time to be said?!

21.
Whoever Jacob's friend was .. Quil or Embry .. either. He looked like a old man. I know their growth rate is supposed to accelerate but that is just ridiculous.

22.
Bella was supposed to FLIRT with Jacob to get him to tell her the Quileute story. Don't tell me THAT was flirting?!

23.
Money - Sex - Money - Sex - Cat.
AGAIN. Totally irrelevant to the story and NOT funny.

24.
So .. erm .. I'm confused. If Laurent was a vampire, wasn't he supposed to be fair and beautiful too? Why was he NOT fair then?

25.
Edward sparkles in sunlight, right? So when Edward and Bella come to school that one time, why is he wearing dark glasses? Dark glasses are only worn in sunlight and he obviously can't go out in sunlight ..
Or, wait .. was he trying to be 'trendy'? Because he looked like an effing DONKEY with those glasses.

26.
Ok, this isn't needed .. but Edward did look good in the scene when its raining :) *sigh* AND when Clair de Lune is playing .. and all the scenes during Bella's Lullaby were definitely cute. I would love to be able to climb a tree and go so high. Wow *sigh*

27.
You better hold on tight SPIDER MONKEY?!
Now that was just SAD.


I ran out of patience to do the analysis of the entire film. I'll do it later.

Meanwhile, WHY does Isabella in the film always have to state the OBVIOUS?!?!?!

"You were gone"
YES, He KNOWS he was gone.

"You're eyes were black the last time I saw you and now they're like golden brown"
WOW. VERY observant of you.

"You stopped the van. You PUSHED it away with your hand"
I think he knows that :|

"Your hand is so cold"
LOL. I couldn't stop laughing at this line.

"You're impossibly fast and strong. You're skin is pale white and ice cold"
Edward ko toh ye sab pata hi nahi tha .. After being a vampire for almost a century, I'm sure he doesn't know all that about himself. Thank you for clearing that out.

"Its so wide and open, you know?"
Yes, Bells, it's EDWARD'S HOME. Surely he knows that.


~More Later
Signing Off
Mallika Priya Khullar